Sunday, June 16, 2013

We really all ARE Fireworks. Gotta let our colors burst.

Who are you not to be great? You, with the imagination of a brilliant child and the powers of an ancient god.
Who are you to be ordinary? You, who could get away with murder, or raise the dead.
Who are you to be anonymous? You, whose name should be spoken in reverent tones or in terrified whispers.
Who are you to be afraid? You, who can serve as judge and jury while hoarding infinite lives.
Who are you to be a slave to the past? You who can travel time like the oceans and rewrite history with a single word.
Who are you to deny greatness? If you would deny it to yourself, you deny it to the entire world. And we will not be denied.

This is the new promo ad for Play Station 4 and yet it struck a chord in me and seriously made me sit down and think about how similar it is to this speech by Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I, for one, have the HARDEST time accepting compliments or praise. Especially when it comes to my writing. I generally tend to rebound back with a quip, joke or attention diverter to get away from the topic. It’s not me playing coy and trying to reap as much praise as I can. Trust me. It makes me highly uncomfortable.

The last couple of weeks, since getting “Timeless Night” accepted has brought me to a whole new level of humble. Suddenly, I’m thrust into this new world, meeting new people who are helping me to turn this piece of coal into the beautiful diamond I envisioned in the beginning. I’m hearing things I’ve kinda wanted to hear my whole life and now that it’s here…I don’t know how to handle it. I’m overwhelmed. My biggest fear? What if? What if this is just a one shot deal? What if THAT one story is all I have in me? It paralyzes me sometimes and I can feel my brain beginning to drive down that winding, self prophetic road where I can very easily derail myself.

I won’t lie though, I have an ego. We all do and anyone who tells you differently is lying to themselves. We seek praise at times like moths to a flame, drawn to it simply because is “validates” us. Makes us seem important in ways that perhaps were denied us in the past?

I’m not a psychologist and I’m an apprentice in an art that none truly ever masters. All I can speak for is myself.  I don’t write to shine, I write because if I don’t, I’ll go mad. I write because, for me, its easier than breathing. I write because it’s the gift the Powers that Be bestowed. I write because its what I was born to do.

I suppose that’s MY Greatness and it’s time I accepted that. And stopped playing small.

My name is Torie. And I AM a writer. A damned good one.  

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