I Won't Forget... I Promise.

As ya'll know by now, my publisher, Breathless Press is closing its doors on May 1st. Like many other authors in that family, I was shocked:

and no small amount of devastated...

Due to declining sales in an already burdened economy, it was a tough yet necessary decision on their part. Ohhh...perfect spot for shameless last minute promotion of our "Going Out Of Business Sale". All EBOOKS .49 CENTS...THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!

Sadly, this had been the state of affairs for many independent publishing houses and leaves many authors adrift in a sea full talented writers. Many of my author buddies have their works published through various independent houses as well as dabbling in self pubbing but there are a few of us who never dipped into the deeper part of the publishing ocean.

If I'd wanted to stick to the whole 'water' allegory, I'd say that now here I am...having to put on my water wings again and paddle back to the shallow end. But I've a short attention span and for some reason, feel the need to switch to  the 'learning to ride a bike' allegory.

Being with Breathless Press, having my babies accepted and published has been one of the highlights of my life. I've met kindred souls, learned more about the literary world and got my first taste of success. In a word, I grew comfortable. And when you get comfy, you don't look ahead...plan ahead. I've been riding around with training wheels and now its time to kick those bad boys off and head off on my one woman Tour Du France.

After the decision had been announced publicly, I panicked. A lot. My poor family and friends! Behind the scenes I was going full anxiety mode so bad the first two days. I started bemoaning my fate and indulging in the game of 'What If'? I'm fairly certain that anyone dealing with me then was wishing I'd shut the hell up and stop getting on their nerves with my drama...

Why are you so worried, Torie? You've written a few books, won the RONE 2014 Award, placed in many other award situations. You've built a name, a fan base and have miles to go yet. I'm sure publishers will be thumb wrestling like gang busters to have you...

I. Wish. I mean, it sounds fab in theory but the fact remains while yes, I have experienced happies in the last few years of my life in terms of living the dream, nothing in life is guaranteed, right? What if the things in me Breathless Press saw, no other publisher does? Nail biting stress? Don't mind if I do! Sending out submissions to new publishers, waiting to hear...dear Gods..the waiting..the waiting! Constantly picturing rejection letters in the form of...

Then, by turns, I'm mentally bitch slapping myself for not having a bit more confidence in my own self. I mean, it could happen...right? It happened once before...it could happen again. Perhaps I'll wake up one morning soon and check my email and there it will be....another acceptance from Publisher X who is madly in love with New Camelot and assures me I'm what they are looking for...

However, in the interim...what does this mean for me? And for my worlds?

Well, until I sign with a new publisher, my books will be unavailable. *sniffle*The major vendors are in the process of taking down all the titles...Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Bookstrand, etc. It hurts, yes. But ever onward....right?

I know me...I know I need to stay occupied and continue to carry on with business as usual. That being said, I got a few irons in the fire...

I'm working on building a brand new website...taking my time and getting it all prettified.

I have plans to keep posting on both my author page and my New Camelot 'like' page

I've begun compiling new promo ads for the New Camelot series.

"Bound by Fate" is still being written. Cloie deserves the very best of stories...and I intend to give it to her for all she has given me.

"Between Darkness and Destiny" is still in progress as well. I have no real idea what I'm going to do with the prequel, Point of No Return. Re-release it as its own short story again or try to work the flirt into the bigger plot. We'll see!

I'm also finally organizing all the ideas I've had over the years for books. If I did the math right, I'm going to need to live at least another 200 years to get it all done.....*grins*

In the meantime, I guess I always have my fallback career as a spot on Chris Farley impersonator...

 I met so many kindred spirits within Breathless Press and the inspiration they all gave me will live forever. More than that, they gave me a happy home and accepted me with arms wide open. I could have done WAY worse as far as publishers go..how lucky was I to get them? No clue. But I thank Fate every single day.

Jayne. My Lady Editor. Chances are pretty likely I'm going to compare every single editor I deal with down the line to you. How quickly you became my mentor, my guide, my teacher....and my friend. Show not tell. Not so many adjectives, Torie..you're an adjective whore. These are what we call 'filler' words, Torie... and you need to ease up on them. *dies* I shall do my best, dear Jayne, to improve my sick need of waaaayyyy to much backstory...<3 font="">

Victoria. Thank you for seeing Alex and Bri, Nim and Gawain, the way I did. For knowing, inherently, what I was looking for in terms of cover love. I had the words and I gave them to you and you brought them all to glaring life with your wonderful skills. I know you would have given Big Beefy (Mordred) a magnificent cover!

Jo. Jo. Jo. You are.....a true gift in my life. All the hard work you did, not just for me, but the others requires an incredible amount of selflessness and a whole lotta love. For all the sleepless nights, the grueling hours and infinite patience...thank you. You are far more than the Madame of Marketing to me...you are one of my dearest friends <3 font="">

Gayl. Queen of Formatting and Layout. I couldn't do anything close to what you do without losing what mind I have left. Through countless messages and genuine affection..you have become someone very important to me and very very loved! 

Justyn and Deadra. Thank you so much. For taking a chance on me and New Camelot. 
For endless hours of patience when dealing with me. For making my very first publishing experience something I will remember all the days of my life. For being wise and helpful and always supporting YOUR staff and your authors. For believing we all had something new, magical and enduring to bring to the table. <3 font="" nbsp="">

To all my brothers and sisters in Breathless Press: Inspirations. Each of you. Artists and dreamers. Sharing your soul and experiences have enriched my life in countless ways. Thank you. For everything.

Much like my buddy, Doctor Who... I hate saying goodbye. But this isn't really goodbye..not if you think about it. The end of something is always the beginning of something else. And while the song we sang together may be ending..our stories never will.