Sands of Time: Goodbye 2012

2012…

What a year. So much has happened to me, for me and because of me. A roller coaster of emotions and happenings that had me going up, down and sideways but that’s all good. I mean, if you never wanted to experience anything and just go round and round, you’d stay on the damn carousel, yeah?

There have been losses and there have been miracles. I’ve gained wisdom, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve loved, I’ve hated and I have thanked the Gods every single day that I woke up in the last 365 days. I have tried to make the most with what I have. I’ve tried to do as much good as I could, but I also have to say there were times I fucked up in ways only I could and with great flair. Go big or go home, right?

To those who came and stayed, no matter my crazy ass ways…Thank you for believing in me, for loving me and for putting up with my insanity. I’m not always easy to love but you’ve all done remarkably well.

To those I’ve hurt: I am more profoundly sorry than I can express by word or deed. I’m not a perfect person and many times I let ignorance and apathy guide me when I should not. Silence is a far greater tool of destruction than most realize and I wielded it with a heavy hand and have no one but myself to blame. I miss you. You all know who you are.

To my MimiSan: You are a daily inspiration to me. You were born with all the cards against you and not once, not ever, have you faltered as you traveled this path of Life. I wanted a pony and I got you. Best gift ever. I love you.

To my HLM: Been through a lot the last few months, me and you, and yet here we are. You are an amazing woman and I really hope that you stop to remember that once in a while. Can’t please the world, you know? But look inward cos the answers you seek are there. They always were. Slytherin Sisters….ALWAYS!

To my AC: I could fill a book or ten with all the things we’ve shared the last years. Thin or flush, up or down, even on my blackest, bleakest days..you have always made time and helped me pull my head from my ass. You are quite simply as the words say..my AC..my Anam Cara. Soul mate in the purest sense. You lift me when I’ve fallen, you hold me when I try and push away and you have made me feel as though I am this amazing creature you say I am. Thank you for believing in me and for loving me so unconditionally. I would be lost without you.

To my Nay Nay: Time has kind of pushed us apart and we don’t speak as much as we used to but not a day goes by when I don’t think of you and feel you right where you belong..my heart. Infinity and beyond, babygirl. <3

To my AG: Girl, you took the world by storm this past year and made them sit up and take notice of the talent I believed in all along. Cart before horse and Cheese Me! I am more proud of you than words can say in any language and am so blessed you let me join you on your journey. You’ve touched my life in so many ways, I don’t know where to begin, but let me just say I will always be your Meri and you will always be Milord Wolf. Forever. Love you, Ash.

To my Laotong: B & E. If you’re gonna do it, wear your best shirt..just saying. Woman, I don’t even know what to say to be honest. I just know that when I’m sometimes sitting in the darkness of my mind, you’ll sweep right in and sit there with me. Sometimes we aren’t looking for someone to turn on the light, sometimes we just need someone to sit there with us and ride it out. 10,000 years and more.

To my Jelly: One year ago today, do you ‘member? That was the day we really really opened up to each other…but it was like we knew each other all along. Water Bearers, baby…you just “get” me in so many ways and I like not having to explain things to you….cos you just know! Soul sister. Cosmic twin. Always your PB….til the last star burns in the sky. Long live the King and his Queen! <3

To my sweet Christine: Honey, you just don’t know how many days you’ve given me the biggest laughs and smiles even when there were tears clouding my eyes. You’ve brightened my hours and fed me your quiet strength and probably not even realized it. Thank you…I love you, honey.

So now, I’m getting lazy and hands are cramping but not through yet. Long winded, I am. Surprise you, this should not.

Stacy: I love you. You’re this amazing citadel of serenity and peace, a woman of integrity and strength, ever wise…even if you don’t see it. We don’t talk much, but one of my most profound joys is knowing that my first publication will be with you and Ashley. It stuns and humbles me. Thank you for simply being you.

D: You became this pillar of calmness for me, you always know what to say or do to put things in perspective for me. You also handle my childish tantrums very well. Not many can but you do. Thank you for becoming one of my best friends and staunchest supporters.

My Demon: You are quite the force to be reckoned with and have given me a giddy so many times. I love you so much and can’t wait to see what 2013 has in store for you. Amazing writer and poet you are!

My Guardian: What can I say? There were nights I was falling apart and you just took shit in hand and even not knowing the problem, were ready to simply go out and kick ass for me. No matter if I was in the wrong, you were ready to stand at my side. I chose you well for your tasks in fantasy…but I did even better in real life when we became friends.

Unka: Near or far, wherever you are….you always make it better. Always. Thank you for all those hugs and having my back. For just making my world a bit brighter. I love you.

My Cryss: We’ve traveled a hell of a road together and had some bumps here and there, both of us but here we are. I won’t leave  you again. I promise. <3

Tevya, Lyn, JG, William, Shirley: Talking to you guys, whether daily or intermittently is always a joy for me. You all have your unique way of giving me a smile or the giggles and counting you among my nearest and dearest is both honor and blessing. I hope that 2013 sees us all growing even closer in friendship. Thank you for everything.

Sookie Cookie, ‘Cide and Pammy Pam, and my sweet Hilary: You four rock my world so hardcore and don’t even know it. Thanks for all you are, all you do and all the good times we have together. Many more to come!

To my Doodle: Not sure if you’ll even see this but I just wanted you to know…just knowing you’re in this world somewhere, living and breathing….is something that brings me a smile everyday. The story between us may have changed, but there will always be affection and love. As you rise, I set…or something like that. You know what I mean.

To my kick ass writer friends: Aaron, Patricia, Sherrie, JoJo, Lisa, Tracey, Amy…you guys are fabu and I am proud to be part of your worlds!

To anyone I may have forgotten: I didn’t forget. I can’t thank you enough or send enough love your way to express what my sings every time we talk or write, as the case may be. I sometimes see people refer to the online buds as “Facebook Friends”. I don’t. You ARE my friend..period. Just know if you’re reading this, you have touched my life in a way only you can and are a piece to puzzle that is me.

I wish you all a brilliant year of magic, love, happiness and health. May 2013 bring you all you deserve and desire.

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering about happy endings lately. And I came to this conclusion: Maybe it’s not about the HEA..maybe it’s about the story. Love you guys.